It's About You
by TowMondler
Summary: What happens when one tiny action changes everything in your life? Which version would you chose?
1. Lose what I got

My roommate and I were watching the movie "Sliding Doors" and it gave me an idea for a fic. If you've ever seen the movie, it's based on the concept, which is what happens if one little action changes everything in your life? So there are two universes. It's a little confusing, but the story is in italics when it goes into the alternate universe. Okay? Okay. Thanks!

Disclaimer: Right. Not mine. Got it? Good. 

            Monica rolled over and hit the snooze button. An arm snaked around her waist and pulled her closer. 

            "Morning already?" 

            "Yes," she giggled. "You kept me up late last night." Her boyfriend, Richard, gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

            "I thought we both had fun last night," he said teasingly. Grinning, she rolled over.

            "I wasn't complaining," she assured him. "I'm just saying." Groaning, she pulled herself away from his warm embrace and got to her feet. Her feet hit the cold floorboards as she pulled on her robe and left the room. Her roommate Rachel, was already up and sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee.

            "Have a good time last night Mon?" She asked grinning at her best friend.

            "I'm so sorry, did we keep you up?" Monica asked. The walls in their apartment were paper thin, which meant that any time one of the girls had their boyfriends over, the other could hear everything that was going on. Which was quite disturbing to Monica because Rachel was currently dating her brother. One thing that Monica had no interest in hearing was her brother having sex. Especially with her best friend. She was all for them being together. She loved that they were together. But she just didn't want to hear it. That was all that she asked. 

            "No honey, don't worry about it," Rachel assured standing up and pulling her coat on. "Have a good day!" With that, she rushed out of the apartment to get to work on time. Monica was suddenly very grateful for the fact that her restaurant was only open for lunch and dinner, and walked to the bathroom to get a shower and get ready for the day. 

            She was late. What else was new? But she was really late that day. She ran into the restaurant and back into the kitchen. She ran a hand through her short hair and sighed. From the time she woke up she felt funny. She could feel herself getting sick, which she hated, because she never got sick. Or, she always denied the fact that she got sick. 

            It was clear though, after two hours of work, that she was feeling terrible. 

            "Go home," her friend Kate told her. "You look terrible."

            "But…"

            "Monica!" Kate said again. "Go home. Get some rest. It's fine. Okay? We'll handle it." Monica finally relented and hung up her coat and stepped out into the daylight. The bright light hurt her eyes. Kate had been right, she was getting really sick. Briefly, she considered walking, but knew that she felt so terrible that she wouldn't make it. She would take the subway, she decided. There was no use wasting money on taking a cab. It was the middle of the day, they wouldn't be that crowded, and it would save money. 

            Monica began walking towards the subway station and realized that she was going to miss the next train home. Picking up her speed, she hurried down the steps. A man rushed past and she was thrown into the rails spilling the contents of her purse. It was something that she really didn't need right then. She sighed, and leaned down to pick everything up. By the time she got everything back into her purse, the train had already left. 

            Great. She should have known that this was just one of those days where it was better not to get out of bed. Monica walked back up the stairs and went to hail a cab when she felt herself getting lightheaded and dizzy. The world began to spin and then everything went black.

            _Running down the stairs of the subway station, she held her purse tightly to her side. She practically threw her money at the attendant and caught the train just in time. Sighing as she slipped down into a seat, she closed her eyes and wanted more than anything to just get home. Richard was staying with her because his apartment was being worked on. But he was probably at work. Rachel, of course, would be at work, as would everyone else. Joey even had a commercial that he was shooting that day. There would be no one there, she wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse. There would be no one to bother her, but then there would be no one to take care of her either. _

_            The train slid into the station and she climbed to her feet and slowly made her way back up to her apartment. The stairs proved to be quite the challenge as she made her way up. She suddenly wished that she lived on the first floor, and sighed as she finally made it to __apartment__ 20__. Turning the knob, she was surprised to find it open. Either Rachel or Richard must have stayed home that day. _

_            It wasn't the sight that hit her first. It was the noises. The moaning. _

_            And it wasn't coming from Rachel's room._

_            It was coming from hers. _

_            Feeling much more sick than she had a moment before, on shaking legs, she made her way to the door and opened it. _

_            "Monica?" Richard scrambled under the covers as the girl he was with reached for her clothing.   _

_            She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. She felt sick. Sicker than she had before._

_            "Richard! In my apartment….I trusted you!" It came out in half sentences because she wasn't quite sure she could finish a whole one. Whirling around, she slammed her bedroom door and ran across the hall. Without knocking, she threw open the door and began to cry as soon as it was shut._

_            "Mon?" Looking up she saw that she wasn't alone. __Chandler__ was home._

_            "I'm sorry," she said sobbing. The tears brought on a coughing fit, and she held her throat and cried. __Chandler__ didn't ask for an explanation, he just came over and wrapped his arms around her. _

_            "You okay?"_

_            "No," she moaned. __Chandler__ led her over to the couch and sat her down. _

_            "What happened?"_

_            "What didn't?" She answered. It had started out as a terrible day. A day where she just shouldn't have gotten out of bed. He rubbed a soothing hand over her back. He just wanted her to know that he was there when she was ready to talk. He just let her cry her eyes out and held her tightly. When a knock on the door interrupted them, Monica looked up. _

_            "Monica? Are you in there? Mon, can we just talk? Please?" It was Richard, and __Chandler__ moved to open the door, but he saw Monica shake her head tearfully._

_            "Please don't open it," she sobbed. Nodding, __Chandler__ understood that the tears were for Richard, and came back and held her again. _

_            It was always like this, he thought to himself. She got upset and he was there to help her._

_            Always._

_            And it wasn't as if he minded being there for her, that wasn't it at all. He loved when she came to him, but he wanted to be more than that. He wanted for her to feel for him the same way that he felt for her. _

_            But until that time, he would just be her friend. And he would have rather been that than nothing at all. _

_            "Whenever you're ready to tell," he said. "Just say." _

_            "Thanks __Chandler__," she looked up at him with the tears still falling silently down her cheeks._

_            "No problem," he kissed her temple. After a few minutes, she said softly,_

_            "He cheated on me."_

_            "What?"_

_            "He was with a girl when I came home. He expected me later, and I would have been later except that I was sick and they sent me home."_

_            "I'll kill him," __Chandler__'s fists clenched and it took everything he had not to go find Richard and hurt him for hurting her. She didn't deserve this. She never did. But she always fell for these guys who made her hurt. Made her feel that she wasn't special, wasn't amazing. And she was. And he so badly wanted to tell her that he felt that way about her. But he was terrified to. So he just kept his mouth shut. _

_            "No," she put a calming hand on his arm. "Just could you go over and make sure that he left?" Squeezing her hand, he nodded._

_            "Sure honey, here, come and lay down, you're still sick." He led her into his bedroom and she gratefully climbed into his bed and almost instantly fell asleep she was so exhausted. He ran a hand through his hair and went across the hall to make sure that Richard was gone._

~So that's the start. The title comes from the song by Train, and will probably be in the next chapter. If you think that it's too confusing, or you hate it, tell me. I'll only continue if you like it. But I kind of like the idea, and so please, please review. Hit that little GO button and go! Thanks~


	2. Keep what I find

~Thanks so much for reviewing! Here's the second chapter. Please review again! Please? Please? The song will be in the next part I think. But I will only write another chapter if you really want me to. So review! Thanks!

Disclaimer: Uh-huh. Whatever gave you the impression that they were mine? 

"Monica?" It was surprisingly not Richard standing above her looking at her with a worried expression on his face. It was Chandler. 

            "Chandler?" She tried to sit up, but he put a strong hand on her shoulder to keep her from getting up. 

            "Are you okay?" He asked. 

            "Where am I?"

            "You're in the hospital honey," he said softly. "You passed out on the sidewalk. Someone called an ambulance and they called your apartment, but Richard had to go to work, and so he asked me to come by and check on you." Chandler couldn't tell her how his heart skipped a beat when Richard came pounding on his door. He couldn't tell her how he nearly stopped breathing when Richard told him that she was in the hospital. When Richard came running to his apartment and his breath caught in his throat. 

            "Chandler?! Chandler?! Are you in here?" Chandler opened the door and was surprised to see Richard standing there without Monica. 

            "What's the matter? Where's Mon?" 

            "She's in the hospital," Richard said breathlessly. What? Hospital? Was she okay? What was wrong? A million questions circled through his head.

            "What happened? Is she okay?"

            "I don't know, they said that someone saw her pass out on the sidewalk outside the subway station and they found her wallet and called her number. But listen, I can't go I have to go into work. They said that it isn't serious, she just is really sick. Could you go and check on her for me?" Did he even need to ask? Of course Chandler would go check on her for him. He loved that he was the one that would be going to the hospital for her and not Richard. 

            It wasn't a secret to anyone but Monica that Chandler was in love with her. Everyone else saw it in his eyes when he looked at her, even Richard could see it in his eyes when he looked at her. But not Monica. She was completely oblivious to the fact. And that was why it killed Richard to send Chandler instead of him. However, he had been in the middle of….something when the phone rang and had to take care of that before he could get to the hospital.

            "Yes sure, Beth Israel?"

            "Yes, thanks Chandler. Tell her that I'm going to get there as soon as I can and I love her," Richard smiled at Chandler and slipped back into Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler grabbed his jacket and his keys and hurried out of the apartment. 

            And now he was standing, holding her hand in the emergency room. 

            "How do you feel?" He asked her gently. 

            "Um…I've felt better. What happened?"

            "The doctor said that you just have a nasty virus and that you need to just take it easy for a few days, but he said that I can take you home and you'll be fine," Chandler said. He had called Rachel and told her that Monica was sick and at that time he didn't really know anything, and she promised to call the others and tell them. He called a second time and she told him that she would take care of Monica that night. Just as they were getting ready to leave, Richard burst into the room and went over to Monica and gave her a kiss.

            "Are you okay? Oh, Mon, when they called, I just…I was so scared." Right, Chandler wanted to say, then why didn't you skip work? Why didn't you come down here to see her right away? Chandler would have dropped anything if she was in trouble. Granted, at the time, he was just watching television having taken the day off, but even if he was doing something important, he would have stopped. She was that important. 

            She was more important than anything else. 

            _She wasn't sure how long she had been lying there crying. An hour maybe? An hour and a half? __Chandler__ had told her to go lay down once he had assured her that Richard and all of his stuff and reminders were out of her apartment. Added to the crying, she felt terrible. At many points, she had felt dizzy and lightheaded, but she didn't want for _Chandler___ to pity her any more than he already was. She heard the apartment door open and her roommate's voice._

_            "__Chandler__? Have you seen Monica?" Rachel asked. He must have motioned to his bedroom door because Monica heard her ask next, "Why is she in there?" _

_            "She wasn't feeling well so she was sent home from work. When she got home…" It still killed him. That Richard could do that to her. In her own apartment for God's sake! "Richard was in bed with another woman." Rachel gasped._

_            "Bastard," she muttered. _

_            "I know," __Chandler__ said running a hand through his hair. "It took all that I had when I went over there on her order's to kick him out that I didn't do more than that. I should have ripped him limb from limb." Richard was already packing when __Chandler__ had walked into the apartment._

_            "She said to get out," __Chandler__ said trying very hard to keep his voice even and his temper in check. _

_            "I figured," Richard said pulling on his coat. "Could you tell her that I'm sorry and that I love her?"_

_            "Whatever that means," __Chandler__ retorted. "Get out. How could you? She didn't deserve it! She deserves so much better than that!"_

_            "I know," Richard nodded. "I know." He looked up at __Chandler__. This was the man that he had been the most worried about. Joey was a flirt, but Joey had been harmless. It was __Chandler__ who he had seen watching Monica. It was __Chandler__ who made her laugh. It was __Chandler__ who she ran to if she had a problem. It was __Chandler__ who he had always feared would become more than a friend to her. He knew that __Chandler__ wanted her to be more than a friend. Where she stood, he could never guess exactly. He knew that she loved him, he had never doubted that, but there had always been that little nagging voice in the back of his head. Did she love __Chandler__ too? What was their relationship exactly? They were always hugging and touching._

_            "Please just get out," __Chandler__ said opening the door feeling his anger rise. _

_            "You know that just because I'm gone doesn't mean that she'll come running to you right? She doesn't love you __Chandler__," he hissed. If he was going down ,then he was taking __Chandler__'s esteem down with him. _

_            "You asshole," __Chandler__ said as he punched him in the face. That felt good. That felt really good. His hand hurt now, but he felt great. Richard clutched his nose as blood began to pour out. "Now get out." And Richard grabbed his suitcase and pushed past __Chandler__ still holding his bloody nose. __Chandler__ then walked back into his apartment and gathered Monica in his arms. She felt very warm to his touch. Placing a hand on her forehead, he was shocked to see how hot it was._

_            "Is he gone?" She asked softly. __Chandler__ felt his hand throb with pain._

_            "Yeah sweetie, he's gone, why don't you go lie down? You feel really warm." Monica didn't have the strength to argue like she usually did that she was fine, instead she just nodded and walked into __Chandler__'s bedroom shutting the door behind her. _

Rachel looked up from the couch when Monica, Richard, and Chandler walked in.

            "Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Can I get you anything? Should she go lay down?" Rachel asked jumping to her feet. 

            "One question at a time," Chandler said laughing. 

            "I'm okay, I'm feeling pretty crappy, I don't need anything except sleep, no you can't get me anything, I should go lie down, which is what I'm going to go do now," Monica answered. Rachel nodded and hurried over to her and placed an arm around her. 

            "I've got it now Richard," Rachel said. "Maybe you should stay somewhere else tonight." 

            "That's okay," Richard said. "I want to stay here."

            "No," Monica interrupted. "I don't want you to catch what I have. You should go stay somewhere else."

            "Are you sure?" Richard asked. 

            "Positive," Monica assured him. A flash of anger crossed his face, and then was gone in an instant. 

"Okay, let me get you all settled though," he said. 

"We can do that," Chandler cut in.

            "No, it's the least I can do," Richard said through his teeth. The way that Chandler was acting, you would have thought that it was his girlfriend. He led Monica away from her best friends and into her bedroom, he glanced around quickly to make sure that he had cleaned up from his earlier…activities. He spotted a green bra that he knew wasn't Monica's in the corner and made a mental note to grab it. 

            "Thanks honey," Monica said leaning up and giving him a kiss. She climbed into bed and he pulled the covers up to her chin and started gathering all his things, including the green bra. 

            "You're welcome, feel better," he whispered kissing the top of her head and stuffing the bra down into his bag. Rachel and Chandler watched as he walked out, and as soon as the door closed behind him, they hurried into Monica's bedroom.

            "You okay sweetie? We're out here if you need us," Rachel said running a hand over Monica's head. 

            "Both of us," Chandler told her. "Anything you need. We're not going anywhere." He gave her a kiss on the top of her head and they left her to rest as they sat in the living room. 

            He promised he wasn't going anywhere.

            And he wouldn't. He would sit there all night for her if he had to. 

~Okay. That's chapter two. But I will only continue if people really like it, so you must review people! Okay, I'm done being mean, thanks again for reviewing. Later alligators.~ 


	3. Where I've been

Hello all! Thanks so much for reviewing, and kindly do it again! Thanks! Anyway, here is the next part and I finally used the song! Yay! Well, at least part of it, haha, it's by Train. And enjoy!

Disclaimer: The characters and sadly the song are not mine, but I'm borrowing them and I promise to return them all in the condition that I found them. 

This ain't about the things I've done

Where I've been or what I've won

Stand on your corner a thousand times

Lose what I got

Keep what I find

            _Chandler__ felt Monica's forehead worriedly. Her temperature had skyrocketed in the past few hours, and now he literally flinched when he touched her forehead. Sighing, he walked back out into the living room where the rest of their friends were all sitting around. Joey was in one of the chairs, and Ross and Rachel were curled up on the other. Phoebe walked in the door at the same time as __Chandler__. She had just gone over to the girls' apartment to cleanse the aura. _

_            "How is she?" Ross asked when __Chandler__ came in. _

_            "Still really warm. I think we should take her to the hospital," he said. Once he said this, everyone nodded, sat silently for a minute, and then burst into action, Rachel ran over to their apartment and she and Phoebe packed a bag, Ross went to go call a cab, Chandler went to his bedroom to gather her in his arms, and Joey went and made a sandwich. _

_            "__Chandler__?" Monica woke as __Chandler__ wrapped her in a blanket and very easily picked her up. _

_            "Shush, honey, it's okay, we're taking you to the hospital, okay? You're burning up," he said softly. He came back into the living room where Rachel and Phoebe stood holding a bag, and Joey was wrapping his sandwich to go. _

_            "You don't know how long we're going to be there!" He argued when Rachel asked him why he had made the sandwich._

_            "Ross has the cab waiting," Phoebe told him. Chandler nodded and they walked down the stairs and Chandler, Monica, and Rachel got into the first cab and the other three said that they would meet them there. __Chandler__ held her tightly. What a day. She gets sick, comes home to find that her boyfriend is cheating on her, and now they have to take her to the hospital. The stress of the afternoon couldn't have been good on her. She sat leaning up against him and he could feel the heat from her skin through his sweater. Rachel had one of her hands in her own and no one said anything for the entire length of the ride. Once inside, the doctors took Monica back, and __Chandler__ and Rachel sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs._

_            Which was where the other three found them when they burst in._

_            "Where's Mon?"_

_            "Is she okay?"_

_            "What did they say?" They all talked at once and Rachel finally held her hand up and they shut up._

_            "One at  a time please," she said. "Ross?"        _

_            "Aw, why does he get to go first?" Joey whined. "My question was so much better than his. It's just cause you're sleeping with him!" Rachel ignored him and turned expectantly to Ross._

_            "What did they say?" He asked taking her hand. _

_            "They haven't come out to talk to us yet," __Chandler__ said sighing. He glanced back at the hallway where they had taken her. He blamed Richard. Mainly because it was easy to blame on him and mostly because he hated him right now. He hated him for hurting her, and adding stress when she was already sick. He absolutely hated him. _

_            "Are you here for Monica Geller?" The doctor asked the group sitting on the chairs. They all jumped to their feet at once._

_            "Yes, is she okay?" __Chandler__ took the initiative and asked. _

_            "She's going to be just fine, we broke her fever and put her on an IV to get some fluids into her, and in a few hours you can take her home, but make sure that she gets some rest. She's has a virus, that's all, but she needs to take it easy." __Chandler__ nodded and shook his hand. _

_            "Can we go see her?"_

_            "Sure, just be quiet, she's sleeping," the doctor excused himself and __Chandler__ led the way back to the room where Monica was sleeping peacefully. Her face was still flushed, but __Chandler__ was relieved when he placed a hand on her forehead and it wasn't nearly as hot as it had been before. They all sat around, Ross holding one of her hands, and Chandler refusing to let go of the other until he noticed that Phoebe's eyes were drooping, and Rachel was yawning._

_            "Why don't you guys go? I'll take her home," he suggested. And while he thought that Ross would argue that he should stay she was his sister, he said nothing of the sort.  _

_            "That's a good idea," Ross said softly. "Are you sure that you're going to be okay here?"_

_            "Yeah, go home, no need in all five of us losing sleep tonight. I'll be fine here with her." _

_            "I'll stay too," Rachel offered. "I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight anyway." __Chandler__ knew that she was lying, but also knew that it meant a lot to be there for Monica. After all, Monica was always there for her and Rachel felt like she never quite repaid her for all the kindness that Monica had showed her initially. It was always her having the crisis and Monica there to fix it, and now she wanted to be there for her best friend. He nodded. _

_            "Okay," Phoebe relented and she leaned over and placed a kiss on Monica's forehead. "Call me tomorrow."_

_            "Yeah, me too," Joey said giving Monica's hand a squeeze and kissing her on the cheek. Ross lingered for a moment longer before doing the same, giving Rachel a soft kiss on the lips, and following his friends. _

It's about you

It's about you

This is ain't about the things you say

Or how you make me feel this way

Monica rolled over and opened her eyes. God, her head hurt. She felt like crap, but she forced herself to stand up and walk out into the living room where Chandler was asleep on the couch. Monica peeked in Rachel's room and saw her curled up in a ball on the bed still fast asleep. As quietly as she could, Monica went to herself a cup of tea and was so startled by Chandler's voice that she nearly dropped the empty cup.  

            "Morning," he said from behind her.

            "God Chandler, you scared me!" She admonished. 

            "Sorry," he smiled sheepishly. "I didn't mean to."        

            "It's okay," she smiled back. "You didn't have to stay here last night." He shrugged. 

            "I wanted to make sure you were okay, speaking of, how are you feeling?"

            "Eh. Could be better."

            "Then go back to bed! I'll make you the tea," he said taking the few steps over to where she stood and turning her towards her bedroom. 

            "But!"

            "No buts, go," he laughed as she gave up and walked into her bedroom and gratefully crawled back under the covers. He came in a few minutes later holding the tea. 

            "Here you go sweetie," he said as she sat up and took it off of him. 

            "Thanks Chandler." 

            "No problem."

            "Not just for this. For staying last night, for coming to the hospital. Thank you. I wouldn't have wanted anyone but you." Which was true. She felt comforted by him in a way that she didn't even feel with Richard. He was her safety. He made her feel comfortable and warm. Richard she loved, of course, but it was Chandler who made her laugh. A fact that had recently made her start to think about things. 

            But no. She loved Richard. Richard. 

            "Like I said," he told her once more. "No problem." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek. The phone rang out in the living room and he excused himself to get it.

            "Hello?"

            "Chandler?" It was Richard, and he seemed awfully surprised that Chandler was still there at Monica's apartment. 

            "Hi."

            "Can I talk to Monica please?" 

            "Sure," Chandler sighed and carried in the phone to Monica and pasted a smile on his face. "Richard for you." Speak of the devil, Monica thought taking the phone.

            "Hello? Hi honey, no, I'm feeling a little better. No…it's okay, I'm okay here. I'm sorry that you had to stay in a hotel. Is your apartment done? Oh, okay. So you're just going to stay there for another night?" There was a pause and then she laughed a little. "I love you too." As many times as Chandler had heard her say those words to him it still stung every time. She hung up the phone and then looked up at Chandler.

            "Is he coming by?" Say no, he thought to himself. Chandler didn't really want to see Richard and be reminded of all the things that he had that Chandler didn't. 

            "Maybe later," she shrugged. "I think I'm going to take another nap."

            "That's a good idea," Chandler said as he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. As he glanced around the room something caught his eye. It was near the door, lying in the corner. 

            It was a green bra. 

            And he was sure that it wasn't Monica's or Rachel's. 

Stand on your corner a thousand times

Lose what I got

Keep what I find

It's about you

It's about you

Okay, so the song will be in the next part, and please review once more. Thanks a bunch!


	4. I could be

~Thanks for reviewing! And could you possibly do it again if it's not too much trouble? Thanks a billion. Here's the next part and a little more of the song…I swear eventually I'll use it all! I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Um….I have like two dollars in my bank account. I own them? Right. That's a good one. Not mine. 

When I get this feeling

It's hard for me to come back down

When I get this feeling

It's hard for me to come back down   

It was just lying there. So innocently. Bright green. Rachel couldn't stand bright green, and neither could Monica. It couldn't be theirs. Phoebe's? But why would Phoebe's bra be in Monica and Rachel's apartment? It was perplexing to say the least. 

          Chandler wandered over and picked it up. Maybe they were all doing their laundry together and something of Phoebe's got mixed up in Monica's basket. That was the only explanation that he could come up with. Rachel came out into the living room rubbing her eyes. 

          "Chandler? How is she?"

          "She's okay," he said still thinking about the green bra.

          "Whose bra is that?"

          "I found it over by the front door. It's not yours?"

          "No."

          "Or Monica's?"

          "No."

          "Could it be Phoebe's?"

          "Why would it be Phoebe's?" Rachel asked and Chandler explained his theory and she shook her head. "I don't think so."

          "Then whose it is?" Chandler asked. Rachel shrugged. She looked just as puzzled as he was. There was a knock at the door, and Rachel walked over to answer it and was slightly disappointed that it was Richard. 

          "Hey, is Monica awake?" He asked stepping inside with flowers in his hand. Chandler didn't realize that he was still holding the bra in his hand. He pointed with it to her bedroom door.

          "No, she's still sleeping," he replied. And she would stay that way, he added silently. Richard wasn't going to waltz in there with his flowers and wake her up. Then he noticed something. He noticed Richard's face change.

          Because he noticed something.

          The green bra. 

          And Chandler caught him. It was fleeting, but it was there. A look of panic washed over his features. 

          "Oh…okay. Could you give her these?" While he tried to retain eye contact with Chandler, his eyes kept flitting back down to Chandler's hand. Something that did not go unnoticed by either Chandler or Rachel. Rachel took the flowers off him and he hurried out of the apartment probably thinking on how to do damage control.

          "It's his?" Rachel exclaimed when he walked out. 

          "You noticed too?"

          "Uh-huh!"

          "That means one of two things," Chandler said. "He's either a cross-dresser or he's cheating on her." He was cheating on her? Chandler would kill him. And he'd probably have to get in line. 

          "In our apartment? He cheated on her in our apartment? What do we tell her? What do we say?"

          "We can't say anything," Chandler decided. "We don't know anything for sure. We can't tell her anything until we know it for absolute certain." How would he break that to her? He knew that he didn't want to be the one, but he also knew that he should be. If anyone would tell her, it should be him. It would be him. Because despite the fact that he had no real proof, he knew for sure that Richard was cheating. He could feel it. The bra wasn't Phoebe's. It was whoever Richard had had in the apartment that day. Bastard. 

          "You're right," Rachel nodded. "But how do we find out for sure?" Chandler shrugged. He had no idea. He had no idea what to do at all. Most of all, he didn't know how to fix it for Monica, to make it better for her. Over all, he just wanted to make things better for her. Make everything okay. 

          "I don't think we can," Chandler finally said softly. "I think we'll have to wait. Just wait."

          "But we can't just wait! Because what if she finds out in some terrible way? That's not fair to her! We could have prevented her from that." 

          "Prevented who from what?" Monica's voice interrupted Rachel and they both turned guiltily and looked at her. 

          "Um..." Rachel racked her brain for a good explanation. 

          "Phoebe…" Chandler jumped in. "Prevent her from writing any more stupid songs." It was a terrible save. But Monica just nodded and bought it completely.

          "Honey you should be in bed," Rachel said crossing the room and putting her hand on Monica's back.

          "I'm getting restless," Monica shrugged. "I thought I would come out here and lie on the couch and watch some television."

          "That's a great idea," Chandler decided and Monica nodded and got comfortable on the couch as Rachel went through the list of movies they had for one that Monica would want to see. Chandler, however, had other things on his mind.

          "What?" Monica could see it in his face. She could read him like a book.

          "Oh nothing, I'm going to go take a shower and maybe run down and get some coffee, want some?"

          "No, I'm good," Monica answered and Rachel shook her head. She caught Chandler's eye and knew exactly what he was thinking. 

          He wasn't going to get coffee.

          He wasn't going to shower, although he looked as if he needed to take a long, hot shower.

          He was going over to Richard's apartment.

          He was going to try to make things better for her. 

I could be

That everything you need

I know this could be

That free fall back to me

          _Monica was at home later that day and her head was pounding. __Chandler__ and Rachel had stayed with her in the hospital and had taken her back home. Both were acting as if she would fall apart at any moment._

_          Maybe they were right._

_          Maybe she would. _

_          Richard had tried to call. He said that he wanted to make sure that she was okay. Phoebe had called him back, they had figured that she was the least likely to go crazy on him. Although she did tell him that the plagues of __Egypt__ were now on him, for the most part t hey had been right. _

_          Now Monica was alone, finally. Her eyes were red, and despite the fact that she had slept all night in the hospital, she was exhausted. Completely exhausted and completely unable to fall asleep. She was tired of crying. She was tired of wondering why Richard had done what he had done. _

_          Why hadn't she been good enough?_

_          What would have happened if she wouldn't have come home that day? What would she know? What wouldn't she know? _

_          How long had he been cheating on her?  
          Who was she?_

_          Her mind reeled and she felt like throwing up. Nauseated, she rose to her feet and ran to the bathroom where she did throw up. Several times. __Chandler__, who was sitting on the couch, heard her make a run for it, and knocked on the bathroom door._

_          "You okay?" He asked._

_          "Yeah," she replied as she laid down, placing her head against the cool tiled bathroom floor. Was she okay? _

_          Not really. If he wanted the truth. The truth was not really. In fact, she was far from okay. He tried the knob and found the door open and stepped inside. Squatting down, he ran a hand over her face. _

_          "I'm so sorry Mon."_

_          "Why? Did you cheat on me too?" It was supposed to be a joke, her attempt to show him that she was okay. But neither laughed. _

_          "Mon."_

_          "It's okay." She sat up and ignored her head spinning. "Really. I'm fine. Or at least I will be. Don't worry about it." Right. Like that was going to convince him. _

_          "Monica, I know that it sucks now, I know okay? But it will get better. I promise you that it will get better." A single tear curved a path down her cheek and she looked up at him and met his eye._

_          "Don't make promises that you can't keep," she told him. Groaning, she climbed to her feet. He reached out and took her hand and helped her to her feet. _

_          "But I will keep it," he said softly. _

_          "Right." And she knew that he would try certainly, she knew that as her best friend he would do everything that he could in order to make life better for her. But she knew that it wasn't up to him. _

_          "Why don't you go back to bed?" He suggested._

_          "I'm not tired," she shrugged. "I keep trying to sleep and I can't." Making her way over to the couch, she sat down and pulled the blanket on top of her. "Would you like to watch a movie though?" _

_          "Sure honey," he said taking a seat next to her and making sure that the blanket was tucked around her. _

_          "Oh," she said laughing a little. It was good to hear her laugh. "Neither of us turned on the movie. I'll get it."_

_          "No, I'll get it," __Chandler__ said and they both stood up at the same time and both tumbled back onto the couch laughing. She was slightly on top of him, and as she struggled to sit upright, she ended up inches away from his face. Without thinking, he leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips. Then realizing what he had done, he quickly pulled away._

_          "Oh God, Mon, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to….I wasn't…" __Chandler__ began to babble. She placed a finger on his lips._

_          "Don't apologize," she said and leaned forward and kissed him again. _

_          Maybe it was the fact that she was desperate to stick it Richard._

_          Or the fact that she was still sick._

_          But she had a feeling it was the way that __Chandler__ looked at her._

_          The way he made her laugh._

_          The way that he was kissing her and the way that it made her feel. _

_          And that terrified her. _

_          But that didn't stop her from kissing him again. _

This isn't about the things I've done

Where I've been

Or what I've won

Stand on your corner a thousand times

Lose what I got

Keep what I find

It's about you

It's about you

Okay kids, please, please review and tell me what you think! If you review, I might be motivated to get the next chapter up faster….what do you think? Please review. Thanks! 


	5. That everything you need

~Thanks so much for the reviews, they totally made my day. Here's the next chapter, which I'm writing instead of studying astronomy, but you know, you'll have that, right? Please review again and enjoy!~

Disclaimer: Sadly, they are not mine. 

_It's about you_

_It's about you_

_And when I get this feeling_

_It's hard for me to come back down_

_And when I get this feeling_

_It's hard for me_

The blood was pounding in his ears as he stood outside Richard's apartment. He didn't know what he would say to him if he was home. He wasn't sure what he would do if he was there, but he knew that he had to do something. Raising his hand to knock, he wasn't sure if he wanted someone to answer or not. But the door swung open revealing Richard. 

            "Chandler? What are you doing here?" Richard asked trying to paste on a fake smile. 

            "There's some things I need to know," he said walking into the apartment despite the fact that Richard hadn't invited him.

            "What's that?"

            "Were you, are you, cheating on Monica?" Richard's face showed for an instant a sign of guilt, and then quickly returned back to normal. 

            "No! What would make you think that?" Richard fought to keep his voice even, but it cracked a little, giving him away. 

            "The green bra," Chandler said trying desperately to keep his anger in check. "It's not Rachel's, and we both know that Monica does not wear bright green, so whose is it?"

            "How do you know what kind of underwear Monica has?" Richard asked. 

            "I live across from her! I'm her best friend, I know that she's not the bright green kind of person, so who is it Richard? Who are you doing instead of my friend?"

            "Don't you want her to be more than a friend Chandler? Aren't you just a little bit happy that I screwed up?" Richard retaliated. Chandler clenched his fists.

            "This isn't about me. It's not about you, it's about Monica." Still he had to think about what Richard had said. Was he, subconsciously, at least a tiny bit happy about the fact that this would mean two things? Firstly, that Monica would need someone to fall back on, and he was completely ready to be that person, and the second of which was that Richard would be out of the picture? Was he really a little pleased with the way things were unfolding? And did that make him a terrible person? Or simply human? Simply just a man who was in love with his best friend and finally seeing an opportunity to win her. 

            "Right," Richard finally looked defeated as he sunk to the couch. "I know I messed up okay? But it was only once. And I…I don't know. I don't know what was going on in my head. I'm sorry. I'm more sorry than you can imagine. Does Monica know?" Chandler had a hard time believing that Richard had only done it once. He had a hard time buying that when he knew that if that had been true then Richard could have certainly held off until he was in his own apartment. Why do it in Monica's? Why risk it? Did he want to get caught? Did he want her to find out that way? 

            "No, but you are going to tell her." Richard looked up at him in shock. 

            "What?"

            "You are going to tell her that you've cheated on her."

            "I can't do that…"

            "Why not?"

            "Because….it would hurt her so much. I won't do it again Chandler, I swear to you. I know now, I know that I could lose her. I can't lose her. You have to promise not to say anything to her. I'll make things better. I'll be better." Richard's eyes implored him to take his side, to help him out. Chandler wasn't in the least worried about Richard. His only concern was for Monica. He would do what he thought was best for her. 

            A million things ran through his mind. 

            She was happy with Richard.

            He cheated on her.

            He swore he'd never do it again.

            He was probably lying about having done it only once, so what made Chandler think that he wasn't lying about this. Especially when Chandler knew that if he was in his position he would do everything that he could to keep Monica as his. 

            Everyone deserved a second chance.

            Not when Richard's second chance was going to take his only chance.

            So where did that leave him? Did he tell her or didn't he? Did he possibly break her heart or let it get worse where she might become even more broken-hearted? Which did he choose? What did he do? Should he call Rachel? Ask her opinion? Or was this something that he had to decide all on his own? 

            "Chandler, please?" Richard was practically begging. Chandler ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Richard knew that he was fighting an internal battle. He knew that he almost had him. 

            "Richard…if I find out that you've done it before or you've done it again, I'm going to tell her. I'm going to tell her everything that I know," he finally said. He couldn't break her heart. He couldn't do that. Even if that meant giving away his chance and giving it to Richard. Even if he had to watch her be happy with Richard instead of with him. Because he had been right. It wasn't about him. It was about Monica. And she was the only person that mattered. She was the only thing that he should have considered. Chandler just hoped that he was making the right decision.

            "So….that means you won't tell her?"

            "No, I guess not. Don't mess this up, Richard."

            "I won't," he promised Chandler. "I promise."

            "It was a one-time thing?"

            "Yes, I swear."

            "And you won't do it again?"

            "No, I promise. She's the most important thing in the world to me." Yeah, Chandler wanted to say, she's the most important thing in the world to me too. And it broke his heart. It broke his heart to walk away from Richard and know that he was giving up his dream for Richard. For Monica to be happy, despite the fact that it wasn't with him.

            Richard shut the door behind Chandler and exhaled a huge sigh of relief. He hadn't expected Chandler to believe him when he had said that it was a one time thing. Who said that you couldn't have your cake and eat it too? He could have Monica and his little fling and no one would be the wiser. 

            It would work out perfectly. 

            "Hey, he's gone," Richard called lighting a cigar. The bedroom door opened and a little blonde came out. The complete opposite of Monica. Chandler had been right. Monica would never have worn bright green underwear. It wasn't her style. Monica was more elegant, more classy. And that was his type certainly, but that didn't mean that he hadn't wanted to experiment. After all, he had been married for so long that he had never had the time to sow his wild oats. That's all that he was doing. And when he was done, he fully intended to settle down with Monica and be faithful. The blonde smiled at him and ran her hand over his leg.

            "Who was that?"

            "No one," Richard assured her. "Don't worry about it." He leaned over to kiss her. His life was perfect. Everything was perfect. 

            Or at least it was, until a voice interrupted them.

            "I forgot my gloves sorry….." Chandler said coming back into the apartment. "One time thing right? Tell her Richard, or I tell her. You have until Friday." Reaching over and grabbing his gloves, he slammed the door shut and Richard buried his head in his hands. 

_Cause I could be_

_That everything you need_

_I know this could be_

_That freefall back to me_

_            "Should we….should we…." __Chandler__ struggled as he took breaths in between the kisses. "Should we be doing this?" Monica finally stopped and looked at him. Her reaction was shocking to say the least, instead of answering, she just buried her head into her hands and her body began to convulse with sobs. _

_            "Mon, please…don't cry. I'm sorry. I want to. I really do. But you know, you just broke up with Richard and you're sick. But that kiss. That kiss was amazing," he told her gently as he ran a hand over her back. "And I for one am very glad that you had the foresight to brush your teeth." (AN: hahaha, SFGrl, I had to. I just had to. You're right. Who wants to make out with someone who just puked?) Looking up, she smiled slightly, and he was thrilled that he had been the one to make her smile at least slightly. _

_            "__Chandler__, you don't deserve this. You deserve someone so much better. You must want someone so much more together and not so unstable."_

_            "Honey," he said running a hand over her cheek. "I've wanted no one but you for years. I just don't want to be the rebound guy. I want you. And I will wait as long as you have to."  She threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his sweater and he felt her body rack with sobs until finally they subsided and then he just held her._

_            "I just…Richard….I trusted….I can't….not yet…." She wasn't forming coherent sentences, but he understood exactly what she was saying. _

_            "I know honey."  He didn't know what to do to make things better for her. _

_            "I feel terrible," she finally said after a little while. He laughed slightly. _

_            "You were in the hospital last night. Of course you feel terrible. Let's put on the movie and I'll sit over on the chair and you can lay here on the couch." Standing up, he walked over to the television and placed a movie in and came back and sat down on the chair._

_            "__Chandler__," she spoke up from the couch._

_            "Yes?"_

_            "You don't have to do that."_

_            "Do what?"_

_            "Sit on the chair."_

_            "I want to sit on the chair."_

_            "Okay. I was just saying. You don't have to. You can sit here."_

_            "Where?" She knew that he knew exactly what he was talking about._

_            "On the couch." Grinning cheekily, he teasingly laughed._

_            "Next to you?"_

_            "Stop being such a child."_

_            "I'm not being a child."_

_            "Yes you are."_

_            "No I'm not."_

_            "__Chandler__!" She threw her hands in the air exasperated, but laughing. His plan had worked. He had made her laugh. And it sounded to him like the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Getting back up, he walked over to the couch._

_            "Here? You mean here?"_

_            "Yes, I mean there. You don't have to sit all the way across the room from me." This one she said as coyly as she could manage under the circumstances. "I mean, do I smell or something?"_

_            "Yes, that's it exactly. We didn't want to tell you, but you know, now that it's out there. Yes, you are very smelly." Laughing, she pulled him down on the couch and they settled next to one another. He planted a kiss on her forehead. _

_            "It's going to be okay now, Mon. I promise."  And for the first time in 48 hours, she actually believed him. And she knew that it couldn't last. This feeling of actually peace. _

_            It just couldn't. _

~Dum, dum, dum. That's me trying to be suspenseful. Okay please review once again! Cause it's freaking wonderful when you do! And tell me if you still want me to keep going. Okay, I'm done begging….wait no I'm not. Please press the little button! Thanks!~

            __


	6. Keeping you ain't easy

Thanks so much for reviewing! I was having a super stressful week and it made me happy! So please do it again! Right now reviews and the fact that Spring Break is only 16 days away is the only thing that is keeping me sane! So please, help me remain at least a little sane. Thanks! 

Disclaimer: I don't so much own the characters as am borrowing them. __

Keeping you ain't easy

With everyone that sees me

Telling me to get back on the ground

_ Monica woke up and for the first time in days didn't immediately start crying. This, to her at least, was a huge step. She was moving on. Yawning, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stepped out into the living room while pulling on her robe. It had been two days since her and Chandler had almost...and since then they had been trying, unsuccessfully, to avoid each other. Time to get her head on straight, and for him to know that she really wanted it and he wasn't just a rebound fling. _

_ All her friends were there when she stepped out of her room, including Chandler, eating breakfast and laughing._

_ "Morning Mon," Phoebe said smiling at her as she took the empty seat at the table. "Want some pancakes?" She held up her plate to show Monica the stack of pancakes that were there. Monica smiled at her friend._

_ "Who made them?" If it was Rachel, Phoebe, or Joey, she was going to politely decline. While they were full of talents respectively, cooking was not one of their strong suits. _

_ "I did," Chandler said grinning at her knowing, like always, exactly what she was thinking. _

_ "Oh, okay," she smiled and accepted the plate that was passed to her. _

_ "I have to go to work," Ross announced finishing his coffee and setting the empty cup on the counter. "Mon? How are you feeling today?" _

_ "Better," she told him. "Much, much better." In all aspects, she thought to herself. She felt better in physically and emotionally. _

_ "Good," he gave her a kiss on the top of her head before taking Rachel's hand and pulling her out of the chair to give her a kiss as well. "Dinner and a movie tonight?"_

_ "Sure," Rachel replied not able to suppress her grin. They desperately needed some alone time. The week had been dedicated to Monica mostly, and not that Rachel was angry about that, it was just a fact. Monica had needed her, needed all of them, and she had been more than willing to be there for her friend. But now it was her time to be with her boyfriend. She waved as he left and blew her a kiss and sat back down. She found Monica smiling at her, and Monica leaned over and took her hand._

_ "Thank you for giving up your life for me this week," she said as if she knew exactly what Rachel had been thinking. _

_ "Any time Monica," Rachel told her. Monica gave her hand a squeeze._

_ "I'm off," Joey announced finishing his very large stack of pancakes. "I have to be on set." _

_ "I have to go too," Phoebe said. "A client has probably been waiting for the past hour and a half." Chandler had to laugh. _

_ "Well, I'm going to go get dressed," Rachel said standing up and walking into her bedroom. It left only Chandler and Monica alone in the kitchen together. Neither quite knew how to start the conversation. _

_ "Remind me to never have Phoebe as my masseuse," Chandler joked. There. That was easy. Just talk about Phoebe and her lack of commitment to her clients. _

_ "Yeah really," Monica said laughing. "Listen. I need to thank you too. You didn't....you went.....I just...I couldn't have....thank you." He didn't say anything, he just nodded._

_ "Are you working today?"_

_ "Not until dinner," she said shrugging. She had taken most of the week off, and like after any significant time off, did not look forward to returning. _

_ "Oh."_

_ "What about you? Shouldn't you be going to work?"_

_ "I should," he grinned at her. "But do you see me moving?" Laughing, she stood up and placed her dish in the sink._

_ "That's how you get fired sir," she reminded him. _

_ "Right. They haven't fired me yet."_

_ "Good point." She spun around to put the milk in the refrigerator as he went to put the last of the dishes in the sink and when they both turned around again they were facing each other. _

_ "Oh, sorry," Monica said. But she made no attempt to move. _

_ "No....it's my fault." He didn't either. _

_ "I'm leaving you guys," Rachel said as she came out of her room. "I'll see you later." Even then, neither of them moved from their positions._

_ "We...." Monica started. "I....shouldn't....I mean, Richard....and it's only been...." But as her mind was trying to form an excuse to get out of the situation, everything else was telling her to stay. And taking the plunge, she leaned up and kissed him, and this time, she didn't pull away._

_ This time she didn't remind herself of the many reasons that it was wrong. _

_ "I don't....want to rush you. I want you to be ready," Chandler said. _

_ "I...am ready," she told him and she believed it. She was ready. Okay, so maybe that was a stretch. But she wanted to do this. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted him to hold her, and she wanted to just be with him. Always. _

_ "Are you sure?" God, did he know her well. _

_ "Yes." And that was all he needed to take her in his arms and pick her up and carry her in the bedroom._

_ And forget about work at least for the morning. _

_ And forget about Richard. _

_ Because all that mattered was her. _

It never could be easy

Instead of you just pleasing me

You're keeping me down

And I know that this could be

That freefall

Come on jump to me  


It was Friday. Chandler's deadline. He had let all of his friends know about Richard and how he had to tell her by Friday. 

He hadn't yet. And Chandler was terrified that he wouldn't and he would have to be the one to tell her. When she was finally feeling better, he would have to be the bearer of bad news. They all sat around in her apartment wondering when the ax would fall. When would Richard break it to her? Or would he chicken out?

"Hey," the door opened and Monica came in. They all looked up and saw that she was smiling. So obviously Richard had chickened out. "What's going on?"

"Oh nothing, you know, just watching a movie....movie watching," Joey said trying to cover. 

"Oh," Monica smiled. "What movie?" They all turned to look at the television and saw that no one had turned it on.

"Um, we just finished," Rachel said quickly. "How was work?"

"Eh. It was work." She leafed through the mail and curiously picked up red envelope. 

To Monica. 

She knew that handwriting. That was Richard's handwriting. Ripping it open, she left the living room to read what she presumed was a love letter in private. Closing the door behind her, she unfolded the letter and within one sentence she felt her perfectly constructed world crumble all around her. 

Monica- 

I didn't want to do this to you. I didn't want to ever hurt you. I know that you've been hurt in the past and I wanted more than anything to not do that to you. I guess I failed. I've been seeing another woman. I was, am, going to break it off with her, but I wanted to see if there was anything left to salvage with you. I love you. I love you more than anything, and if you give me a second chance, I promise that I won't ever do it again. I'm sorrier than you could ever know. Please, please, don't give up on us. We could be really great. We are really great. I love you. 

Richard. 

Her head spun. 

He had cheated on her? And he had the audacity to ask her if there was any relationship to salvage? What would he do if she said no? Run to the other woman? Did she get a letter too? Was he just seeing which one would give him his second chance?

She felt like she was going to throw up. She fought with herself on whether to feel angry or sad and finally sad won out and she collapsed on the floor sobbing. 

Outside in the living room, they heard a thud and then the unmistakable sound of her weeping. Chandler took the initiative and stood up. Knocking on the door, he heard her tell him to go away.

"Monica, let me in," he said softly. "I'm so sorry." 

"Please just leave me alone," she said, and it didn't occur to her to wonder how he knew what had been in the letter. "Please....just...." Finally, he tried the doorknob and was happy to find that she hadn't locked it. He closed it behind him and gathered her into his arms. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered into her hair as she held onto him tightly crying into his chest. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I thought he loved me. I trusted him....I...." She tried to regain control of the situation. She took deep breaths. "I have to go talk to him. I have to go..." 

"Monica. What are you going to say?"

"I don't know...but I love him Chandler. Or I loved him. I think...everyone deserves a second chance right?" What? He wanted to scream at her. He wanted to make her see that Richard didn't deserve that second chance. That he had used up his second chance, and his third. 

"Monica, he was seeing this other woman."

"I know...I know that....but I have to at least talk to him right? I have to go over there. I'm not going to take....I'm not going to let....I won't be one of those women who you know, just believe everything that he says. I won't....I don't....he hurt me. And I don't know if I can trust him again. But I need to..." She began to sob again and he held her closely. Whatever she decided. He knew that she couldn't possibly take him back. She was stronger than that. Or at least he hoped that she was. 

"Mon, you do whatever you need to." It broke his heart to say it. But he had been willing to give Richard a second chance, wasn't that what Monica was doing as well? 

"Thank you." Giving his hand a squeeze, she stood up. "I'm going to go over there. I'm going to go over there and talk to him."

"Okay," he told her. And he watched as she dried her eyes with the tissues. "Mon...just be careful okay? Don't let yourself get hurt anymore."

"I know Chandler. I won't."

And how he wanted to believe her. 

~Okay, please review! It would make me so incredibly happy! Have a fantastic day! (That was supposed to make you want to be nice to me) ~ 


	7. That free fall back to me

Thanks so much for reviewing! Here's the next chapter, and I think there will be another chapter or two after this, whew. If I make it to nine, it'll be my longest ever. But in order to do that, I need reviews! Come on people, step up to the challenge! Haha, please review. Thanks.

Disclaimer: Um, so they aren't mine. Not even a little bit mine. And this small fact makes me cry myself to sleep every night. 

Monica took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock on Richard's door. He pulled it open and looked absolutely shocked to see her standing there.

"Hi," was all that he said, and then he smiled at her. "Thanks for coming." But when she didn't smile back, his smile faltered a bit. 

"Can I come in?" She asked and he nodded and held the door open for her. 

"Sure, want a drink? Scotch on the rocks?" He hurried over to the bar and she shook her head.

"No. I don't want a drink," she said. She sat on the corner of the couch trying to form the words in her head. She didn't know what to say to him, and when he had opened the door, instantly she had known that it had been a terrible idea in coming there. Why hadn't she listened to Chandler? What had possessed her to come over here? Seeing him, it just made things harder, it just made things more confusing. She hated him, right? She was so angry with him that she couldn't see straight. But then again, he was Richard. She loved him. 

Maybe that was the worst part. You can't get hurt by someone who you don't love, she reminded herself. 

Chandler had told her not to get hurt anymore. How she wanted to listen to him. That had one of the last things he had said before she left. The very last thing he had said was,

"Monica, give him hell." Something that had made her laugh a little. He could always make her laugh. 

"God Mon, I'm so sorry." 

"Right," she nodded. "You're sorry. How long were you sleeping with her?" There were things that she needed to know. There was a reason that she had come there. There was a reason that she was putting herself through this. 

"Monica."

"No, I need to know, Richard. How long was this going on? And did you really think that you wouldn't get caught?"

"Monica."

"Answer my question. I think I deserve that at least. I think at the very least I deserve an honest answer." She needed to know, but she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to know, and there was the difference. 

"Three months," he muttered finally answering her question, and unable to look her in the eye. Three months? He had been cheating on her for three months? How had she not known? How had she not realized? They had only been together for a little less than a year, that meant that she had only been good enough for him for a little less than nine months. 

"Richard....I need to go," she said suddenly jumping to her feet and grabbing her jacket to run out of the room. "I need to not see you. I need to not hear from you. Please don't call me. Please don't ever try to call me."

"Monica...."

"Don't." She put her hand up to stop him.

"I just...I don't want this ruined I don't want us ruined."

"You should have thought of that when you slept with someone else."

"I wasn't thinking."

"Clearly," she replied sarcastically. Sighing, she rubbed her temples. What had she been thinking coming over here? She knew that it would end badly, she knew that she should have done this over the phone. Because looking at him, seeing his face, seeing that he was sorry, it was too much. It was too much for her to handle. 

"Is this over for good?" The question was asked so softly that she almost missed it. 

"I think so," she told him and there was no anger in her voice. "And you have no one to blame but yourself for it." Leaning forward, she gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"Do you hate me?" He sounded like a five year old and she pitied him. She actually pitied him. She hadn't thought it possible only minutes ago, but he looked....he looked old. He looked every bit of his fifty odd years. 

"No, Richard. I have no emotions to spare to hate you right now." It was the truth. She was angry. She was sad, she was unbelievably sad. And there was no room left to hate. Hating took far too much energy. She closed the door behind her and stood there for a moment trying to calm herself down. 

"Damn it," she thought to herself. "I forgot my gloves." Turning back around, she knocked on the door and walked inside. Richard was sitting on the couch and his shoulders were heaving and she felt what was left of her shatter. 

"Monica?" He asked looking up.

"I forgot my gloves....I...." He was so upset about losing her. Didn't that count for anything? Couldn't she....couldn't she maybe give him another chance? Wasn't that why she had gone over there? To give him another chance? Couldn't they start slowly again? Date? And then go back to the way that they were? 

But she knew. She knew that they could never go back to the way that they were. There was just no way. And she couldn't forgive him. It hurt too much. And there was always.....there was always Chandler. He was always a factor. Because though she would never admit it to him, she had always harbored a little fantasy towards him. He was her best friend. She loved him. And she was starting to think there for awhile that she might have been in love with him. And then she met Richard and they started to date and Chandler was pushed from her mind, as he should be. Because they were friends. And that was it. 

But now....he had been so good to her. He had been so sweet and supportive, and....she needed to talk to him. She needed to finally confess, and now that she was single there was nothing holding her back. 

"Mon....I....."

"Don't." She crossed the room and sat on the edge of the couch and took his hand. "I can't forgive you. I can't....but I don't hate you. Okay?" And she stood up and walked out the apartment. She hit the elevator button and when it took too long, she gave up and headed towards the stairs. 

"Monica! Wait," Richard said coming out of his apartment, and she spun around from her perch on the landing to face him. 

And to her horror, and to his, she lost her balance, and all she remembered was him reaching out his hands to her to try to stop her from falling. 

_Monica felt a strong arm around her and it took her a minute to remember what she had done. And instead of being appalled at her fast action, she grinned. She was in Chandler's arms. This was where she was meant to be. _

_ "Good morning," Chandler whispered into her hair. _

_ "Good morning," she said grinning and turning around to face him. He ran a hand over her cheek and leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the forehead._

_ "Sleep good?"_

_ "The best sleep I've had in months," she told him honestly. "Well, you know, you did tire me out pretty good before hand." He laughed and pulled her closely to him._

_ "That I did," he replied. He couldn't believe it himself. Monica. Monica Geller. He had slept with Monica Geller. And she was still there in the morning. She was still there in his arms, and she was making no action to move from there. _

_ "Not that I didn't enjoy it," she smiled at him._

_ "Would I be out of line if I told you that I loved you with everything that I am?" He asked looking her in the eye. "I know that I'm the commitment phobic Chandler, but I....I've loved you so much longer than you'll ever know, and I just...I can't believe that t his is happening to me. Because you are the girl of my dreams, and I assumed that was where you would stay. In my dreams." Kissing his chin lightly, she smiled at him._

_ "I'm right here," she whispered. _

_ "I know." And they laid there silently for a few more moments before she broke the silence. _

_ "I guess I should be getting up soon," she said sighing. More than anything she didn't want to have to leave his arms. But all their friends would be coming over soon for breakfast and they would have a lot of explaining to do._

_ "Do we have to?" He asked._

_ "I think we do," she responded giggling. "Listen, I'm going to make you whatever you want for breakfast. Anything. The world is your oyster, Chandler." Laughing, he thought about it for a moment._

_ "You."_

_ "What?"_

_ "I want you for breakfast," he murmured into her neck. Not being able to help herself, a grin spread itself over her face. _

_ "Seriously, everyone will be here soon. What do you want for breakfast?"_

_ "Blueberry pancakes?" He asked. _

_ "Sure," she threw her legs over the side of the bed and wrapped a robe around her body and leaned down to give him another kiss. "I'm going to go hop in the shower and then I'll run down to the store and get blueberries."_

_ "You don't have to," he reminded her._

_ "I know, but I want to. I want to make you a fantastic breakfast," she assured him and he watched her walk out of the room and close the door behind her. Sighing, he reluctantly extracted himself from the tangle of sheets and hurried to his apartment before he was spotted._

_ Monica was walking on cloud nine as she made her way to the small corner store. She was even whistling. And she never whistled. _

_ And she didn't see the car coming. She didn't see it run the red light and speed through the intersection. _

_ She didn't see it until it was too late._

~Ohhh, cliffhanger time. In order for you to know what is going to happen, you must, I repeat must, review. Will she be okay in either universe? Will she die in both universes? What will happen?!?! Okay, I'm done being mean now. Please review. Thanks!~


	8. It never could be easy

~ I've decided to make it ten chapters! Yay! But only if you guys like it and keep reviewing! Spring break is in seven days. I know that means nothing to you, but trust me when I say that it is a super good thing. All righty, thanks for reviewing and please repeat! ~ 

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. I wish I could do something about that. Alas, I cannot. __

_ She was aware that someone had screamed, but it took her a minute to realize that it had been her. She was in so much pain. So much pain. _

_ "Hold on honey," it was an older woman who was next to her holding her hand. "The ambulance is coming. Just hold on. What's your name sweetheart?" Monica was grateful to not be alone, but it wasn't this woman that she wanted next to her, it was Chandler. God, Chandler. Someone had to call Chandler. _

_ "Monica...Monica Geller," she managed to choke out. She grasped the woman's hand and managed to get out one more thing. "Could you call Chandler Bing? And tell him that I love him?" She felt herself slipping away. And she was completely aware of the excruciating pain throughout her body._

_ "Honey, honey, you're going to be just fine," the woman kept repeating to Monica. She pushed a strand of Monica's hair out of her face. "Just fine." The paramedics got there and took Monica away and the woman was left in the middle of the street with her words ringing in her head. Call Chandler Bing. Tell him that I love him. It wasn't a phone call that she particularly wanted to make. But she pulled out her phone and dialed information._

_ "A Chandler Bing?" She asked and the operator connected her. _

_ "Hello?" It was a man's voice that answered. _

_ "Hi, is this Chandler Bing?"_

_ "Yes? Can I help you?" The woman took a deep breath. _

_ "I was walking down the street when I saw a woman get hit by a car. A hit and run. I ran over to her and I stayed with her until the paramedics came. I held her hand." Chandler's heartbeat quickened. What did that have to do with anything? And his mind immediately jumped to Monica. Monica. No, she was fine. She had to be fine. He had....he had just gotten her. There was no way that fate was this cruel. He couldn't lose her this quickly. "She told me her name and told me to call you to tell you something."_

_ "God no," he didn't even realize he had said it until she apologized. "Monica?"_

_ "I'm sorry. They took her to Beth Israel," the woman explained. _

_ "What did....what was the message?" He asked as he pulled on his shoes and coat. _

_ "She just wanted to tell you....she said....Could you call Chandler Bing? And tell him that I love him?" His heart broke. No. No. No._

_ "Thank you, thank you very much," Chandler managed to get out. "Thank you for holding her hand. Thank you for calling me. I'm sorry, I missed your name?"_

_ "It's Beth dear, and she's going to be fine." This was a lie. Beth knew that she wouldn't be. There was too much blood. Too much blood for her to be okay. But she wanted to know. Now she was attached to this woman. This woman who loved this man. And this poor man who would lose her._

_ He didn't think of anything but her. He was a mess getting to the hospital. He would have to call their friends. He would have to call her brother. He had to make sure she was okay first before he did any of that. She had to be. She was. She was fine. She would be sitting up in a bed with maybe a small bandage on her head from minor stitches. She would be laughing. They would be lying in bed later that night together again. And then tomorrow, they would joke about the incident. And she'd offer again. Offer to make him whatever he wanted for breakfast._

_ "Don't go anywhere," he would tell her. It was his fault. Why hadn't he picked something that she already had in the kitchen? It was all his fault. _

_ "Monica....Monica Geller. She was hit by a car?" The nurse nodded and told him that she would look her up. He pulled out his phone and called Ross's knowing that Rachel would be there, and they could call Joey and Phoebe for him. _

_ "Hello?" It was Rachel. He had been right._

_ "Rach...um, it's Chandler."_

_ "Chandler? What's the matter? You sound upset?"_

_ "It's Monica."_

_ "What did Richard do now?" She asked. _

_ "Nothing....she was....um...she was hit by a car." The wall of tears that he been trying to hold back finally spilled out and he began to weep openly in the middle of the waiting room. _

_ "What? Chandler where are you? Is she okay? We'll be right there."_

_ "Beth Israel. Could you call the other two for me?" _

_ "Okay, hang on honey, we'll be there as soon as we can." _

_ "Ms. Geller is still in the trauma room, they'll be taking her up to surgery as soon as she is stabilized. You can take a seat right over there and the doctor will be out in a few minutes to talk to you." Chandler nodded and ran a hand through his hair._

_ She would be just fine. He had to keep repeating it to himself._

_ She would be just fine. _

  


"Monica!" Richard screamed and dove forward to try to grab her hand and catch her, but it was too late. She tumbled backwards and lay motionless at the bottom of the stairs. "Oh God, Monica. Oh God. Be okay. Please be okay." He ran back into his apartment and grabbed his phone and ran down the stairs to her. She was laying in an unnatural position and he didn't want to move her in case she had hurt her neck. "Monica?" She didn't stir, he felt for a pulse and found a faint one. He quickly dialed 911 and told them to hurry. 

"Monica. Please be okay. Please be okay," he kept repeating it to her. Be okay. Please be okay. The paramedics arrived a few minutes later and they moved her onto the stretcher.

"Would you like to ride in the ambulance with her?" The paramedic asked Richard.

"If that's okay," he nodded. Despite the fact that he knew that if she had a choice, he would not be the one that she would have there next to her, he figured that it was better to at least have someone. And he wanted to stay next to her. Make sure that she was okay. Make sure that she was still alive and breathing and okay. He would have to call her parents, and her brother, and their friends. The hardest phone call would be the last one, he knew this. 

"Sir, what is her name?"

"Monica Geller. Is she going to be okay?" The paramedic didn't answer.

"We're going to do our best," was the only reply that Richard got. 

Chandler paced in his living room waiting for Monica to get back. How had it gone? Had she forgiven him? Was his chance with her gone? He was desperate for her to come back. Her to come back single. The phone's shrill ring interrupted his thoughts. 

"Hello?" He answered. 

"Chandler?" He recognized the voice immediately. Richard. But why was Richard calling him? What had happened? Monica? What had happened to Monica? That would be the only reason that Chandler could see Richard calling him for. 

"Where's Monica?" He asked right away. 

"She's at the hospital. Beth Israel. She fell down the stairs. She was....she was laying in at a weird angle Chandler....she was....oh God. You better come down here."

"How did she fall down the stairs Richard?" Chandler asked. His legs felt numb, and he felt as if he couldn't possibly get enough air to breathe. 

"She was leaving and I called her name, and she spun around and she...she lost her balance. I tried to catch her, but it was too late. I was too late. It's my fault. It's all my fault." Yes, Chandler wanted to scream into the phone. Yes it is. Why did she go over there? Why hadn't she stayed there with him? She would be okay now. She would be safe. 

"I'm on my way," Chandler said. He hung up the phone and sighed, running a hand through his hair. He grabbed his coat and walked over to Monica and Rachel's apartment and walked in. She would be okay. She would be okay, he kept repeating to himself. She would be just fine. Just fine.

"Rachel?" He called out. She came out into the living room. 

"Chandler? What's the matter?"

"It's Monica. She went over to talk to Richard and she was leaving, and apparently he called out her name and she turned and lost her balance and she fell down some stairs Rach."

"She's okay though right? A broken leg? Right Chandler?" She was practically pleading with him to make it okay. And he wished that was the answer. He wished that he could say, Yes, Rachel, all she did was break a leg. 

"I don't think so. Come on, grab a coat. Let's go and see how she is." He tried to be positive. For both himself and Rachel. "We'll call the others on the way." She nodded and took his hand and they walked down the stairs together. Neither let go because they didn't know what would happen if they let go. 

She would be okay. 

She had to be. 

  


~Okay, so review again cause that is super awesome and I will get the next chapter up super quickly. Okay? That's the deal kids. I think it's a pretty good deal if I do say so myself. Later alligators. ~ 


	9. It's hard for me

~Okay here is the next chapter, please, please review again! That would be super, super awesome! You guys are the best! I'm sorry this took so long. I had it done, but then I couldn't log in and I went on Spring Break (which by the way was fabulous...it really sucks to be back actually) so....anyway, here you go. Please, please review. ~

Disclaimer: Oh, so you mean, I'm actually supposed to own the characters? Well, I don't. 

  


Chandler had not let go of Rachel's hand the entire way there. They rushed into the emergency room and found Richard sitting with his head buried in his hands.

"Is she okay?"

"They're still in there," Richard said looking up. Chandler felt his fists clench at his side. He was the reason that Monica was in there. He was the reason that she was possibly dying. Richard was the reason, and it was taking everything that Chandler had to not punch him in the face. The words his fault, his fault, all his fault, swam through Chandler's head. 

"But she'll be okay," it was Rachel who spoke up this time. Clinging to some, both Richard and Chandler knew, naive belief that Monica had not fallen hard. That Monica had not fallen in a way so that her body laid at an inhuman angle. Richard opted for silence instead of telling her. Instead of telling exactly how little of a chance there was that Monica was perfectly all right. 

"Mr. Burke?" The nurse appeared and all three spun around. "Are you with Ms. Geller as well?"

"I'm her roommate," Rachel spoke up. "And this is her best friend." The nurse nodded, there was no way to soften the news that she had. 

"Okay, Ms. Geller suffered a severe head trauma and some spinal injury, they've taken her upstairs to do a CAT scan and to determine the extent of the damage. And I'm sorry, Mr. Burke, there was nothing we could do to save the baby." The baby? Rachel put her hand to her mouth and Chandler felt dizzy. Monica had been pregnant? Had she known? Was she just waiting to tell Richard? 

"Oh my God," Chandler said out loud. He reached for a chair to slip down into and felt the room spin around him. She was pregnant. Richard suddenly realized that the miscarriage at the bottom of the stairs would account for the blood that had pooled where she had been laying. He had wondered because he couldn't find any wounds, and he hadn't thought of it coming from between her legs because he couldn't move her and she was wearing a skirt. But she had been pregnant. And all Rachel could think of was that she was going to be horribly upset. That was her dream, and the timing had been so terribly off. 

"We need to call the others," Rachel finally spoke up breaking through the other two's individual thoughts. "Want me to do it?" She looked at Chandler who was having trouble breathing. 

"Could you?" He asked meeting her eye. There was no way that he could explain what just happened. There was just no way. She nodded and left the waiting room to call the other three. She knew that calling Ross would be the worst. With shaking hands, she dialed his number and he picked up after the second ring.

"Sweetie, what's wrong? Where are you?"

"Beth Israel...."

"What happened? Rachel, are you okay?" His voice immediately panicked.

"It's not me...it's Monica." It was all that she could get out before she broke down and began to sob into the phone.

"I'm coming," he told her. "I'm on my way. I'll call the others."

"Just Phoebe and Joey. Chandler's here with me already."

"Okay, I'm coming." He hung up the phone, his head spinning and picked it up again to call his friends. 

Rachel walked back into the emergency room with Richard and Chandler.

"I called Ross, he's passing the message on," she told him. He nodded and noticing her red eyes, opened his arms to her and they stood in the middle of the waiting room holding each other and hoping that this was all just a horrible dream from which they would all wake up from soon. 

When Ross rushed in a half hour later with Phoebe and Joey, they still didn't know anything about her condition. Rachel managed to fill in the details and they all sat down to endure what they all figured would be a hard and long night. Possibly the hardest and longest of their lives. Monica. Monica didn't deserve this. And taking it the hardest was Chandler who sat a few chairs down by himself and tried to keep control. The doctor finally walked in and they all jumped up from their seats. 

"The CAT scan looked good, she has a severe concussion from which she still hasn't woken up from, but on the bright side, there seems to be minimal permanent damage. Of course we won't know this for sure until she wakes up."

"When will that be?" Ross asked. The doctor had no real answer for him.

"Whenever she decides to," he said. "We've moved her to a private room and you can all go up and be with her. She's stable. It could have been a lot worse, she's very lucky." Ross shook his hand and thanked him and they all trekked up to her room. Lucky, Chandler thought bitterly. She's lucky. No, if it wasn't for Richard than she wouldn't be here at all. Lucky. Right. 

"I'll go in first," Rachel said. "Chandler, why don't you come in with me?" Ross looked hurt at first, and then he saw the condition that Chandler was in and the murderous glances that he kept shooting at Richard, and figured that Rachel was right in getting Chandler in there with her as soon as possible. 

He walked in the room where she was laying. She looked small and pale against the white sheets and he felt his heart lurch. A monitor beeped and he walked over and took her hand and fell into the chair next to the bed and did nothing but cry for a solid hour. 

  
  
  


_ Ross ran into the emergency room holding Rachel's hand tightly in his. _

_ "Chandler!" They called out. Chandler looked up and gave a small wave. _

_ "What did they say? How is she?" Ross asked trying to catch his breath. _

_ "She's still in surgery," Chandler said. "They really haven't told me anything." _

_ "It's going to be okay," Rachel said reaching for his hand. "It's Monica. She's not going to give up easily." Chandler nodded, but didn't speak. _

_ "Did you call the others?"_

_ "Joey's coming as soon as he's done with his audition, and Phoebe is on her way now," Ross told him. Chandler didn't know if he could hold off without breaking down for very much longer. He was hanging by a thin thread of sanity. It was straining and thinning and threatening to break any second. _

_ Be okay, he thought silently. Just be okay. For me. For everyone. We can't live without you. I can't live without you._

_ It was amazing how fast life could change, he mused. How he could have gone from the happiest he'd ever been, to wondering and waiting what was going to happen to the one person that he loved more than anything else in the world. He loved her. He hadn't even gotten a chance to really tell her, really show her that he loved her. He had loved her for as long as he could remember. She was everything that he had ever wanted. _

_ Let her be okay, this time he directed his thoughts upwards, despite the fact that he had never been an extraordinarily religious person. I'll do whatever it takes, just let her be okay. _

_ "Ross!" It was Joey, he came running in._

_ "How did the audition go?" Rachel asked trying to take her mind off the of the constant stream of memories of her and Monica. Of Monica. _

_ "Terrible. I couldn't concentrate at all. How is she?"_

_ "We don't know anything," Chandler spoke up. Phoebe ran in a few minutes later and they filled her in on the very little that they knew. She was in surgery. It wasn't good. _

_ It wasn't good. _

_ And they all knew this. As much as they hated to admit it to themselves, they knew that it wasn't good. And so they sat there, the five holding on to one another, afraid to let go. _

  


~Okay children, there's going to be another chapter or two after this, but you need to review! Please, oh please, it would make me so very happy! Thanks~ __


	10. Come back down

Um, I think it goes without saying that you guys rule. But I'll say it anyway. You guys rule. Thank you so much for reviewing. It made me smile! (Which was hard seeing as I had three tests and two papers due all this week). Here is the next chapter. This chapter is just the italicized universe, and then next chapter will be the regular one. It will make sense I promise. Please review again and enjoy!

Disclaimer: Right, I don't so much own the characters.....I'm working on it though 

_Chandler was the first to look up as the doctor came out from behind the double doors. He was the first to see the look on his face as the nurse pointed them out to him. He was the first to see the doctor run a hand over his face. And he was the first to realize that the news was not good. Chandler knew the words that were going to come out of his mouth before he even started to speak. I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do. The damages were too extensive. He didn't want to hear it. He just wanted Monica. God, he just wanted Monica. _

_ "Are you with Monica Geller?" The doctor asked approaching the group cautiously. The five looked exhausted, and they nodded and they all climbed slowly to their feet. It was in the air, they could feel it. This would not be a happy ending. Not one moved though, not one said a word. Finally, feeling the pressure of the silence weighing on him, Ross spoke up._

_ "Is she okay?" It was the million dollar question. The doctor shook his head slightly. This was the part of the job that he hated. She was so young, and obviously so loved It was just another reminder of how cruel and unfair the world was. Tears were glistening in their eyes and not one moved waiting for the doctor to reply. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair at all. The driver drops the sandwich that he was eating, and leans down to pick it up and doesn't see that the light has turned red. And she's gone. Just like that. _

_ "I'm sorry. We did everything we could. The damage was just too extensive." The only one to make a sound was Rachel as her hand covered her mouth choking back a sob. "She's still alive, but it won't be long. If you want to say goodbye, we can take you up there." The five stood there too shocked to move. _

_ Monica was dying. _

_ It was too much to handle. And Chandler couldn't. He ran from the emergency room out into the cool morning and fell to his knees ignoring the shooting pain that resulted. He began to sob. No, no, no. It just repeated in his head. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. She was fine. She was perfectly all right. _

_ He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Phoebe standing there._

_ "Hey, come on back inside."_

_ "I can't," he said wiping his tears. _

_ "Chandler listen to me, if you don't do this, if you don't come back in and say goodbye you will regret it forever. Don't you think that I wish every damn day that I could have said goodbye to my mother? I know its terrible, Chandler. I know that okay? Do you know how grateful I am to her? Do you know how much she's done for me? For all of us?" _

_ "But Pheebs," he turned to face her. He met her eye. "I love her. I'm in love with her. We slept together last night. She was going to get us breakfast. That's where she was going when....." He let out a huge shuddering sob. Without responding, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. _

_ "I'm so sorry Chandler, but you still have to come in and say goodbye."_

_ "I can't." He shook his head. "I can't see her like that. I just can't."_

_ "Chandler, honey, you have to." He was silent for a minute before nodding._

_ "Who is in there with her now?"_

_ "Joey. I have to get up there. Please come with me." Letting out the breath that he had been holding, he took her hand. They went up to the Intensive Care Unit and Joey was just coming out. His face was red and streaked with tears. Phoebe let go of Chandler's hand and sighed and walked into Monica's room. _

_ "Hey, man, you okay?" Joey asked coming over to where Chandler was sitting. _

_ "No." Chandler didn't go any further than that. Okay? No. He wasn't okay. There was no okay. A few minutes passed and Phoebe reappeared and Rachel gave Ross a hug before she went in. Chandler just closed his eyes and pretended that he was going to wake up next to her any minute. Jack and Judy Geller came running in while Ross was in there, and they went in to say their goodbyes to their only daughter. _

_ "God," Rachel said finally breaking the silence that had fallen over them. "I don't know what I'm going to do without her." There it was. The sentence that was on everyone's mind, the sentence that no one wanted to say, least of all Chandler. He hadn't accepted it yet. He wouldn't think about life without her. There was still a chance, right? She was still alive. Miracles happened every day. _

_ "Chandler? Do you want to go in?" Ross and his parents came out and were looking at Chandler. He nodded and climbed to his feet willing them to move forward. He walked into the room where the machines beeped reminding him that they were the only things keeping her alive. She was covered with tubes and bruises. _

_ But she was still the most beautiful woman that Chandler had ever seen in his life. _

_ He sat down and took her hand in his. _

_ "Monica? I don't know if you can hear me. I mean, I guess that you can. I just....I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I always have. I should have told you years ago, but I was...God, Mon, I was chicken shit. I don't know...I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. How do I....how do I say goodbye to you? I can't. I need you. Please don't leave me Monica. Please, just please don't leave me." His head fell onto the bed and he sobbed. Huge hiccuping sobs that racked his body. He held her hand that entire night. He held her hand until the doctors came in and turned off the machine that had just moments before echoed a steady beep. He held her hand as they turned off the respirator, and he held her hand while the doctor said one more time how sorry he was. _

_ Sorry. _

_ So sorry. _

~Don't hurt me! Please! Just hold your horses, I promise I'll make it better. The faster the review, the faster I will get the next chapter up. So that means that you should review. See? See how that works? ~ __


	11. When I get this feeling

Thanks so much for the reviews! Please, please enjoy this chapter and review again. It rocks my socks. Oh, and I just had the worst time scheduling, so that should make you really want to make me happy today! No? It was worth a try.

Disclaimer: Not mine. So not mine.

  


Chandler woke up when he felt Monica's hand move slightly.

"Monica?" He bolted out of his chair and looked down at her. She was still unmoving, if he had known any better, he would have thought that she was simply fast asleep. And just as he had given up hope, and thought that maybe he was just dreaming it, her eyes fluttered open. "Monica? Mon? Honey?"

"Chandler?"

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?" She winced a little when she tried to move. "Don't move, okay? Just stay put. I'm going to go get the doctor." He paused for a minute wondering if he should be the one to tell her that she lost her baby. He'd rather have it come from him than the doctor or anyone else. 

"Chandler? You look like you're thinking hard about something," she said scrunching her face in concern. She knew him too well. She always could see right through him. He took her hand and asked gently. 

"Honey, did you know that you were pregnant?"He waited for some response on her face. Shock registered first, and then gradually it changed to sorrow as she threw her hand to her mouth.

"I lost it, didn't I?" And he simply nodded and then held her as she sobbed. "Oh God, oh God." She shuddered and it caused a jolt of pain throughout her body. 

"Honey, calm down, okay? I'm going to go get the doctor, just hold on." He reluctantly let go and walked out into the hallway. He spotted Rachel first sipping on a cup of coffee. 

"Rachel! She's awake, can you get a doctor?" She nodded excitedly and ran to find a nurse or doctor, and Chandler hurried back into Monica's room. 

"Does your head hurt? Your back?" She nodded slightly. 

"It's sore."

"Just rest, okay honey?" He rubbed his thumb over his hand. "God Mon, when Richard called me....I just...my heart stopped." At the mention of Richard's name, Monica stiffened a little.

"Is he here?"

"Richard?"

"No, the Dali Lama. Yes, Richard." He had to smile at the sarcasm. It was proof that she had been around him too much. 

"He was. I honestly don't know." She nodded. 

"I don't know if I wanted him to be here or not," she admitted.

"He was, he probably is," he said shrugging. The silence that fell over was interrupted by the doctor coming in to check on Monica. 

"We want to run a few more CAT scans to make sure, but I think that you're going to be fine," the doctor smiled at the two and Chandler leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Hear that, you're going to be fine."

"Physically. Emotionally I'm a whole other story." She sighed. "Chandler, I just wanted to tell you, that....well, I'm glad that it was you that was here with me."

"Me too," he whispered. 

"Monica!" The door flew open again and she was bombarded by hugs and questions.

"Are you okay?"

"How are you feeling?" 

"I was so scared."

"When Chandler called....." 

"Oh honey, we're sorry about the baby." She didn't know how to respond to that. She had lost her baby, but then she had never known that she had been pregnant. She suddenly wished that Chandler had never told her. No, she decided. It was better to have known. 

"I'm okay. Sore, but okay." Rachel leaned forward and took her hand. 

"Should we go and let you rest?"

"It's okay," Monica said at the same time that Chandler answered, "Yes." The other four laughed.

"We can see when we're not wanted, we'll come back later," Phoebe smiled and gave Monica a hug goodbye before stepping out into the hall to wait for the others.

"You can't hog her forever," Ross said huffily as he gave his sister a kiss on the cheek. 

"Honey," Rachel said placing a hand on his arm to calm him down. "You'll see her later. Stop acting like a baby." Ross spun around with fire in his eyes.

"I am not being a baby!"

"Right." Rachel rolled her eyes and ignored him. "Honey, I'll be back later. Get some rest." She gave Monica a kiss on the forehead and followed Ross who had stormed out of the room. That left Joey in the room with them. They both looked pointedly at him.

"Why'd they all leave?" He asked settling down in the chair next to Monica's bed. The door flew open and Phoebe grabbed his arm. 

"Say goodbye to Monica, Joe," she said pulling him out of the room. 

"Bye Mon. Feel better, I'll be back later," he managed to slip out of Phoebe's grasp long enough to give Monica a hug and a kiss. As the door shut behind them, they heard Phoebe's voice.

"Joey! We were giving them time alone!" Monica had to smile as Joey replied.

"Oh! Is that why everyone left?" Monica turned to Chandler and gave him a small smile.

"You should rest," Chandler said leaning and giving her a kiss on the forehead. Before he could pull away, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him down towards her again. She gave him a square kiss on the mouth. His head began to whirl. Monica was kissing him. He was kissing Monica. He was actually kissing Monica. Eventually she pulled away and he felt his legs go weak and he groped around behind him for the chair and collapsed into it. 

"Chandler. I wanted to tell you that I was thinking about a lot of things on the way to Richard's. Actually, if I'm being completely honest, I've been thinking about a lot of things way before the ride to Richard's. While Richard and I were still together. And I.....I thought about us, and our friendship, and how I want it, eventually, not right away or anything, and only if you want to too, but eventually, I want it to be more than just....friendship." Chandler was shocked. It was exactly what he had always imagined her saying in the exact way that he imagined her saying it. His dream girl. 

There was only one thing stopping him. 

Was this just a rebound thing? Was this too fast? He couldn't stop the questions that echoed in his head. Because if he got together with Monica, he didn't want it to end within a week. He wanted to make it last. Commitment phobic Chandler was more terrified of not having a commitment. 

"Are you sure that it's not just the pain killers talking?" He always reverted back to sarcasm. He used it as a shield.

"Chandler, please be serious." And of course, she knew this. She knew everything about him. 

"I am...I'm trying. I just want you to be sure. I just don't want this to be....."

"A rebound fling?" 

"Exactly." How did she always know? How did she always know exactly what he was thinking? 

"No, Chandler, it could never be a rebound thing. And that's why I think I should take some time. Be alone for awhile. Readjust. Figure out exactly what I want." Nodding, he knew subconsciously that it was a good idea. But he couldn't stop wanting to have it happen immediately. He loved her. Maybe he always had. And it would be hard to revert back to being just her funny friend Chandler when he knew that she felt, even a little, the way that he felt. And there was always the chance that when she reevaluated her life, he wouldn't be in it. 

It was the one thing that he was terrified of. He had only been half joking when he asked if it was the pain killers talking. 

"That's a good idea," he managed to squeak out.

"Chandler," this time a real smile spread across her face. "I'm not going to look at my life and realize that I don't want you in it as more than my goofy friend. I want you....I just want some time first. So that we don't make any mistakes when we do. It will happen. It's not a matter of if, just when. The timing has to be right." A relieved smile broke out onto his face as well and he leaned forward and kissed her. 

"God, I could get used to kissing you."Grinning, she ran a hand over his face.

"Me too."

"You're right though, you need to take some time. And you need to sleep."

"Chandler, please don't leave."

"I'm not going to. I'm not going anywhere." He settled down into the chair and leaned back his head. "I'm not going anywhere." 

  


Chandler helped Monica into the cab as it drove through the city quietly a few days later. She was still sore and would require bed rest, but the minute the doctor offered to let her rest at home, she and the rest jumped at it. And now they were in the cab on the way back to the apartment. Chandler and Monica in the back of the cab and Rachel in the front seat. Ross, Joey, and Phoebe were all in the cab behind them. 

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asked turning around to face them.

"Okay," Monica nodded. Neither her or Chandler had told any of the others what they had decided. That they were just going to take some time, but that them being together was inevitable. They pulled in front of their apartment building and Chandler helped her step out. 

"It's so nice to be home," she breathed sighing contentedly. 

"It's so nice to have you home," Chandler whispered in her ear. She grinned at him as the second cab pulled up and they walked upstairs. 

"I think I'm going to lay down," she said when they had reached the top. They all agreed and then went over to Chandler and Joey's to let her rest without interruptions. 

"I'm going to go check on her," Chandler announced standing. The rest exchanged looks. What had happened between the two of them? 

"Okay," Ross finally spoke up. Chandler left his apartment and found Monica wide awake in bed reading.

"Hey you, you're supposed to be sleeping."

"I couldn't." 

"Why not?" A frown formed on his face. 

"I think we need to talk." 

~That seems as good as place as any to stop for now. Haha, please review. Thanks! ~ 


	12. It's about you

~You guys are so super awesome! So please, kindly review once more. It would make me so very very happy. Thanks!~

Disclaimer: Right. Um...I don't own them. 

Never in all of Chandler's years had those words, "We need to talk" been followed by something good. His heart began to race and his head started to spin slightly. We need to talk. Not good. Not good at all.

"Um, well, what do we need to talk about?" He asked trying to stop his voice from quivering too much.

"I just...I've been thinking...and while I wanted to take this slowly. I wanted to give us some time. Or I guess, just give myself some time. But I don't need time. I know what I want." Okay. He thought he might pass out waiting for the next words out of her mouth.

"What's that?" It came out softly. Ever so softly that she could barely hear him. 

"I just want you." His face broke out into a grin. That was definitely good. 

"Really?"

"Chandler, I know that I should wait, that I shouldn't rush into something new, but the truth is that I love you. And I won't stop loving you anytime soon. And waiting does not change that fact. And I know that you love me."

"I do," he whispered. He was inching closer to her so that they were only centimeters apart. 

"And I don't want to wait anymore." Closing the gap, she reached up and kissed him. She pulled away slightly. "Is that okay?" Grinning he kissed her again.

"It's more than okay with me," he answered. "But you need to rest." One more kiss, then he stood up and ran a hand over her cheek. "Go to sleep." Smiling up at him, she nodded and then closed her eyes. He sat next to her until he was sure that she had fallen asleep and then quietly made his way back over to his apartment where the rest of their friends were waiting.

"She okay?" Rachel asked when he came in.

"She's great," Chandler told her grinning and then proceeded into his bedroom and shut the door behind him.

"What do you think that means?" Ross asked.

"I think that means that we're going to have to get used to the idea of those two together," Rachel answered smiling. It was exactly what her best friend needed. And she, for one, was thrilled for both of them. 

"My little sister and my best friend?" Ross asked and then shuddered. 

"Oh shut up Ross, it's good," Rachel leaned over and planted a kiss on his lips. "Don't ruin it for them." Ross tried to argue but she silenced him again with another kiss. 

A week later, Monica was almost back to normal and her and Chandler had officially told the rest of their friends that they were dating.

"Have you done it yet?" Joey, never one to be subtle, asked Chandler one morning while they were eating breakfast.

"Joey!"

"Well, have you?" Chandler shook his head.

"I think tonight is that night, Joe, tonight is that night." 

"Look at my boy," Joey grinned. "You're so lucky. I always dreamed of having sex with Monica."

"Joey!" 

"What? I dreamt of having sex with Rachel too! You don't see Ross getting all bent out of shape."

"Did you tell him?" Chandler didn't wait for the answer. "Well, we're taking it as slow as she wants to. So it's completely up to her." 

"But you're going to wear your lucky boxers?"

"Oh yeah." Chandler grinned and left his roommate at the counter grinning. 

That night he stood outside Monica's apartment door and knocked. He knew that he didn't have to knock, that he actually never usually did, but he felt that he should tonight. It was like their first real date. Dinner and a movie and hopefully something after that. 

But he would follow her lead. Whatever she wanted to do. That would be what they would do. 

"Chandler? Why did you knock?" Rachel asked confused. 

"It's supposed to be like a real date," he hissed at her.

"Oh! Okay. Hello, you must be Monica's date," she grinned playing her part.

"I'm Chandler," he stuck out his hand and Rachel took it. "Is she ready?"

"Monica, your date's here!" Rachel called out. 

"One minute," Monica called back.

"She'll be out in five minutes," Rachel told him. Chandler smiled, knowing that Rachel was right. One minute would most certainly be longer than that. The door opened a little while longer and Monica stepped out in a low cut red dress. 

"Wow," Chandler breathed. She came over and gave him a quick kiss.

"Acceptable?"

"Completely." She grinned and took his hand.

"Let's go then. Bye Rach!" They left the apartment and walked down the cab that they had waiting. At dinner, Chandler could not take his eyes off of her. And after they had ordered their drinks, Monica leaned down and in a soft voice said,

"I was thinking that later, we could go back to my place and...." it was all that took before Chandler raised his hand in the air.

"Check please!" Grinning, Chandler helped Monica with her coat and hurried her out to the cab. He hoped that he didn't seem to eager, and then thought, to hell with looking eager. He was eager. The ride back to her apartment seemed to take forever. And they found Rachel in the same position they had left her, sitting on the couch with a book in her hand. They waved hello quickly as they hurried into Monica's bedroom and shut the door with a resounding thud. 

"Well, that went well," Rachel commented smiling to herself. 

Chandler woke up with his arms around Monica. He smiled remembering the night before, but then she tossed in her sleep and he looked down at her concerned. A second later she bolted awake.

"Mon? You okay?" 

"God, I just had the worst dream," she breathed. "I dreamt that you and I were together." 

"That's your bad dream? Gee, what are we doing then?" He teased.

"No, no, it was....I came home that day I got sick at work and found Richard in bed with someone else, and then you took me to the hospital and we got together and...we were in bed, and I got up to run and get us breakfast. I was going to make pancakes, and I was hit by a car...and I told some woman to tell you that I loved you, and..." she was crying now, remembering the dream in vivid detail. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and she continued. "And I died. And you were so....you didn't know what to do. You just held my body and...and I...." 

"Mon..shh, it was just a dream. A terrible dream." 

"But it felt so real!" She shook her head. "Like, almost like it had happened before....or at least...."

"What?"

"Could have happened. You know, like, what could have been." 

"It didn't though. You're here with me. And you're safe. And we're together." She seemed to have calmed down a little more and he placed a kiss on her forehead.

"But Mon?"

"Yeah?" She lifted her head a little to look him in the eye. 

"We're eating in tomorrow morning." Smiling, she nodded. 

"Okay." And with that, she crawled a little closer to him and fell back asleep. 

~Okay, kids, it's decision time. Do you want an epilogue? Because I was thinking of doing one, but only if you want me to. So just review and tell me that you want one if you do. Thanks!~


End file.
